"You Don't Love Me"

Imagine if someone asked you "Why do your actions not show that you love me, why do you not love me"?
Would it break your heart?
What if it was God who asked you that?
What if God looked at you right now and told you, "You don't love me, because if you loved me, the world would know. There would be no question of your love. Your every breath would show your love for me."
How could we not love God, he died for us, he saved us, yet our actions barely show a passing interest in him, let alone a deep love for him.

Now forget him asking you about your love, or the lack thereof.
I'm not a spiritual superhero, I fall. I fall quite regularly if I am to be honest. I struggle with my flesh on the daily. And today I gave into some of it.
At home before I left for church, I prayed and did my normal forgiveness prayer, and at the end, a weird feeling hit me.
I said "God, I love you." And it was like I could see God for a moment, and he looked at me and said "No, you don't".
I replied "but God, I do". And the vision of God replied with tears running down his face "But, you actually don't". I began to weep, and I cried out, "God, I really do". And this vision of God replied with a breaking voice, "If you actually loved me, you wouldn't break my heart, if you actually loved me you wouldn't keep ignoring me and falling back into sin. If you actually loved me, you wouldn't keep running from my call upon your life. If you only actually loved me, than you would see what I have for you."

"If you only loved me..."

What sad, heart wrenching words. That simple statement holds so much promise, yet also carries so much crushing disappointment. The statement prefaces an amazing promise that is planned and set aside for the one who is failing to reciprocate the love. “If only you loved me”, I would transform your existence, I would show up and work miracles in your life. But you don’t love me.
Some of the most quoted verses during times of celebration and achievement in most peoples life are Jeremiah 29:11-13.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”
Jeremiah 29:11-14(ESV)

It opens up so full of optimism and hope. The Lord, God, declares that he has plans for you, plans of great things, plans for the future, plans to give you a future, plans upon plans. God has plans for you, he wants to use you, he wants you to be something great.
But then it comes to a screeching halt, because it all hinges on one simple statement, “When you seek me with all your heart.” When you pursue me with everything within you, that is when my plans for you come to fruition. When you love me with all you are, when you love me as much as I love you, then and only then will my plans begin to be manifested in your life.

"But you must love me with everything within you."

I am not always good at conveying my thoughts onto paper, but I wish you could just get my heartbeat on this. We cannot reach the world, without reaching God first. How can we teach the world about the love of God, if we don’t even love him? We can’t.
I am saved, or so I always thought, I pray, I speak in tongues, I’ve been baptized, I am involved in ministry, But I don’t LOVE GOD.

"I DON'T LOVE GOD..."

I will admit it, I have to, I don’t love God…
Yeah, I have the basic level of love towards him, the same basic level of love I have towards my next door neighbor. I will come to church, I will clap my hands, I will worship, as long as it doesn’t inconvenience me too much. It is a love reminiscent of that old Barney song, “I love you, you love me, We’re a happy family…”
But I am not full of love towards God, I am not pursuing him wholeheartedly. I hit him up on Sunday, and Wednesday, I give him about five minutes of my day when I do my little passionless prayer at night.
BUT I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM…
And it breaks my heart, this great God, who loves me unconditionally, and gave up his life for me, and I just have a passing love for him, just a couple of steps above indifference towards him.
At some point in time I was all in love with God, but somewhere along the line, I fell away, I never backslid, but I lost my love towards God. and it all kinda fell apart, I lost my anointing. I lost my love for God, I lost my worship, and I never really noticed when, or how.
But now I am striving to fall back in love with him, not to just kinda float along. I don’t want to be a mediocre christian. I have dreams, and plans, I want to transform my world, I want to be a witness of God’s love to everyone that meets me, and for that to happen, I have to be overflowing with love towards God.
I don’t want to make it to heaven, only to have God look at me with tears running down his face and a breaking voice say, “If you had only loved me..”